Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too. (Greg, age 8, in response to "what is love?)

A prune is a plum with experience.

No good sensible working bee listens to the advice of a bedbug on the subject of business.

While honey lies in every flower no doubt, it takes the bee to get it out.

Do something for the joy of doing it and pray you won't be punished. -Sammy Cahn

Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning? -Official Court Records

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are made up of lost airline luggage. -Mark Russell

Someday they'll give a war and no one will come. -Carl Sandburg

I never drink when I fly. -Superman

Those of us who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
-Official Court Records

Thou shall not commit nincompoopery.

Children are called delinquents when they start wanting to do what adults do.

The trouble with mornings is that they come when you're not awake.

Success is just a matter of luck -- ask any failure.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Time is what prevents everything from happening at once. -John Archibald Wheeler

I've read about foreign policy and studied -- I know the number of continents -George Wallace

It's not easy to take my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line.

Some people march to a different drummer and some people polka.

One of the most wonderful things about life is that we must regularly stop what we are doing and devote our attention to eating.

It's perfectly true that "you're only young once, " but that's hardly a reason to remain immature forever.

A man should stand up for his rights, but not in the middle of an intersection.

In the world of mules there are no rules. -Ogden Nash

What the world really needs is a computer that can figure out all the things in life that don't add up.

A nice thing about old age is that you can whistle while you brush your teeth.

Lawyer: What happened then?
Witness: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me!"
Lawyer: Did he kill you?
-Court Records

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read but no one wants to read.

Make yourself an honest man, and then you can be sure there is one less rascal in the world.

Kids should practice autographing baseballs. This is a skill that's often overlooked in Little League. -Tug McGraw

One disadvantage of having nothing to do is that you can't stop and rest.

I could now afford all the things I never had as a kid -- if I didn't have kids.

The trouble with the future is that it usually arrives before we're ready for it.

Three things are bad for you. I cant remember the first two, but doughnuts are the third. -Bill Peterson

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead two years.

When I was kidnapped, my parents immediately took action -- they rented out my room. -Woody Allen

All history is bunk. -Henry Ford

A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it. -Katherine Whitehorn

You're born, you waste time, and you die.

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours forever, and if it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it. -Chad Blunston

I tried; I tried too hard; I embarrassed myself.

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, but the pig likes it!

If you argue with an idiot, people watching may not be able to tell who's who.

Never resist the opportunity to keep your mouth shut. -Robert Newton Peck

Animals, which move, have limbs and muscles. The earth does not have limbs or muscles. Therefore, it does not move. -Scipio Chiaramonti

Advice is what we ask for when we already know that answer but wish we didnt. -Erica Jong

Theres no limit to what the boss can do if he puts someone elses mind to it.

Knowledge has never been known to enter the head via an open mouth.

Ever notice that the man who is old enough to know better is always looking for someone not quite that old?

I know only two tunes. One of them is Yankee Doodle, and the other one isnt.

Every household should have a filing cabinet on which to stack important papers.

That was complicated, folks, so lets have a replay for all you fans scoring in bed. -Bob Kelly

Adventure is just a romantic name for trouble.

Even though they call it pasta now, its still spaghetti.

You know youve reached middle age if you can remember when your favorite movie couple burst into song instead of jumping into bed.

Progress has its drawbacks; you cant warm your feet on a microwave.

The hardest part of dieting isnt watching what you eat, its watching what your friends eat.

It puzzles me how they know what corners are good for filling stations. Just how did these fellows know there was gas and oil under there? -Dizzy Dean

A sure route to humiliation is to admit you paid what the car dealer was asking.

Money isnt everything -- according to those who have it.

Any fool can make a rule. -Henry David Thoreau

I know what I should do, but I want to do something else.

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures. -Samuel Johnson

A flashlight is a case in which to carry dead batteries.

When you get something for nothing, you just havent been billed yet.

A budget is a plan for going broke methodically.

Everybody in this country has the freedom to say what he or she wants to, but I sometimes think there is too much of that commodity for my taste. -Arnold Schwarzenneger

If you cant laugh at yourself, make fun of other people. -Bobby Slayton

There is some advice that is too good; that advice to love your enemies, for example. -E. W. Howe

I am what I am. -Popeye

I didnt need no diploma to do what I can do. -Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong

I want to hear it so quiet we can heat a mouse dropping. -Gregory Ratoff

About all I can say for the U.S. senate is that it opens with a prayer, and closes with an investigation. -Will Rogers

Think of love as a card game: first, get rid of the jokers, throw away the hearts, keep the diamonds... then try to get a king.

Honesty is the best policy, and spinach is the best vegetable. -Popeye

When you arrive at a fork in the road, take it. -Yogi Berra

Always tell it like it is, because tomorrow you wont have to wonder what you were lying about yesterday.

Its not easy being green. -Kermit the Frog

Almost anything is easier to get into than get out of.

Watermelon -- its a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face. -Enrico Caruso

Don't believe any false rumors unless you hear them from me. -Vic Schiro

Why, sometimes Ive believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. -Lewis Carroll

What an author likes to write best is his signature on the back of a cheque. -Brendan Francis

The nice thing about egoists is that they dont talk about other people.

If I were given a choice between an egg and ambrosia for breakfast, I would choose an egg.

I never used to like babies. I mean, Id always think, Well, if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, Id have one. -Candice Bergen

An old-timer is one who remembers when he hit a golf ball and it went as far as he expected it to.

All things come to she who waits... if she works like heck while she waits.

Im not afraid of death; I just dont want to be there when it happens. -Woody Allen

If you keep throwing dirt, youll lose ground.

Women accepted cooking as a chore, but men have made of it a recreation. -Emily Post

There is never enough time unless youre serving it. -Malcolm Forbes

Musically, we are more talented than any Bob Dylan. Musically, we are more talented than Paul McCartney. Mick Jagger, his lines are not clear. He dont know how he should produce a sound. Im the new modern rock-and-roll. Im the new Elvis. -Robert Pilatus of Milli Vanilli

To me, old age is always 15 years older that I am. -Bernard Baruch

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. -W. Somerset Maugham

You could read Kant by yourself, but you must share a joke with someone else. -Robert Louis Stevenson

The majority of men employ the first half of their lives in making the other portion miserable. -Bruyere

Error has never approached my spirit. -Metternich

1848 was the turning point at which modern history failed to turn. -Trevelyan

Of all the streets in the world, Easy St. is the hardest to find.

One trouble with trouble is that it usually starts out like fun.

The mind is like a T.V. set; when the picture goes blank, its a good idea to turn off the sound.

Its alright to drink like a fish -- if you drink what a fish drinks.

A hen is the only one who can lay around and still be a producer.

You only have to mumble a few words in church to be married, and a few in your sleep to get a divorce.

Pessimist-- a person who takes life with a grain of sulk. -Ambrose Bierce

Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?

Wouldnt it be nice if people flashed as many smiles as they do credit cards?

Most people are willing to change not because they see the light, but because they feel the heat.

A rose is a rose is a rose. -Gertrude Stein

Love is like a crayon, because it comes in all colors. (child's response to "what is love?)

Love is like a flower, dont step on it. (child's response to "what is love?)

Love is real if you and the other person stick together like peanut butter and jelly. (child's response to "what is love?)

Life is what happens while youre making other plans. -from the movie "Kuffs"

In banking, we have a saying: Never trust a bald barber, he has no respect for your hair. -from the movie "Kuffs"

If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination. -Thomas De Quincey

It matters not whether you win or lose, what matters is whether or not I lose. -Darin Weinberg

If at first you don't succeed, why go on and make a fool of yourself? -Susanna Pomeory

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. -Martin H. Fischer

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. -Olivier

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. -Unknown

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. -Wilson Mizner

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada. -Britney Spears

Two wrongs are only the beginning.